


His Butler, A Hamburgler

by PetalsToTheMetal



Category: Black Butler, Kuroshitsuji
Genre: Crack, Im so proud of him., M/M, William gave up being a reaper to become an employee at McDonalds., crack fan fiction, mcdonalds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:56:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4815821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetalsToTheMetal/pseuds/PetalsToTheMetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Sebastian is a soccer mom and takes Ciel to a drive thru for dinner. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Butler, A Hamburgler

Sebastian drove up to a peculiar building and into a line of cars. It was an odd establishment, being painted in primary colours and decorated in bolded signs. The smell of hamburgers and french fries lingered in the air while the sound of squeaking breaks surrounded them. More cars were pulling up behind them.  
"Sebastian, I demand you tell me why we're here," Ciel yelled as he shuffled in his booster seat. It may have been a short drive from the mansion to the drive-thru but, he was already beginning to feel tired... Tired of Sebastian's bullshit.  
"My lord, I specifically remember you requesting something to eat," Sebastian muttered, driving closer and closer to the speaker. "I figured you'd like a break from Bardroy's cooking so I brought us here, instead."  
"Yes, Sebastian. I did request something to eat."  
"Then, why are you so upset? I'm getting you something right now. Aren't I?"  
"I want food. Not a deep-fried McHeart Attack." Ciel grumbled. He crossed his arms in defiance and began to pout. After having everything handed to him on a silver platter, it insulted him to even have to look at a greasy, paper wrapped hamburger. No matter how tempting they were.  
"Welcome to McDonald's. Can I please take your order...?" came a gargled, droning voice from over the speaker. It sounded like William.  
"I assure you, Master Ciel. Fast food is better than no food at all..." chuckled Sebastian. "Now, what would you like to eat?"  
"No food at all is better than a greasy, ketchup coated wad of processed meat between to stale pieces of bread!" shrieked Ciel. He was now infuriated by such a rude response. How dare such an insignificant man take Ciel Phantomhive to a fast food chain!  
"One Hi-C, some french fries, and child-sized hamburger, please. Hold the ketchup." Sebastian smiled. He knew it upset Ciel and he found it quite humourous. If you're going to spend eternity with someone until you eat their soul, why not enjoy it?  
"Yes, Sir. Would you like to make that a Happy Meal?" the voice on the other side chirped.  
"NO!!! Sebastian, I order you take me to Burger King this instant!" Ciel howled but, there was no escape; Sebastian could not turn around for they were blockaded by a herd of soccer moms in their SUVs. To Ciel, the words "happy" and "meal" together were an outrage. Sebastian knew Ciel was incapable of being happy and it was naive of that employee to even suggest such thing.  
"Yes. I think he'd like that very much." Sebastian said with a smirk.  
"Okay. Would you like some apple dippers or a yogurt with that?"  
"I despise yogurt, Sebastian..." Ciel hissed as he began kicking at the back of his seat. Yogurt was terrible. Everything about Mickey D's was terrible.  
"Apple dippers. With caramel sauce too, please. Thank you." Atleast, he obeyed his lord this time. The full order appeared on the digital screen shortly, afterwards.  
"Ah! One more thing before you go to the next window, Sir. Is this a boy's meal or a girl's?"  
Sebastian leaned over the back seat and took a look at the expression on Ciel's face. His cheeks were beginning to get puffy and red while his bottom lip began to quiver. There was no doubt about it; He was furious at him.  
"Don't you dare." Ciel bellowed in a menacing tone, beginning to huff. "I command you to--!!!"  
"It's a girl's meal." Sebastian smiled.


End file.
